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First Letter

What follows is the first letter that I sent to Harold and Bob. The formatting has changed somewhat and the spelling has been improved, but the meaning was unaltered.
Harold Cox & Bob Reite

I have been thinking about my visit a lot, it has been fun. Harold asked a question on the phone that I don't think I answered very well. Basically, the question was what I wanted out of my visit. I don't think there is a simple answer, other than perhaps "having a good time". The flip side of that answer is my recognition that this may be the most difficult "good time" that I could ever dream up.

Captive, prisoner, being committed, & POW. Being held "against" my will summarizes a lot of my fantasies. I know I am into bondage far more than I am into S&M. Though a bit of pain can help put me in my place. It lets me know the restraints are real and that I am not in control.

I have been going through my stack of "Checkmate" magazines #1 through #25. You have brought a lot of information to the front. Thanks. I hope to get through all of them again before I make it to your place.

Issue #2, Page 6. "To Ecstasy and Beyond: One Road Map". When it comes to fear and safety this one hits it on the head. I want to be scared and feel safe at the same time. Right now I feel VERY safe about you two, even though I have never met you in person. You have made that very easy. We know some of the same people. I know and have talked to men you have played with. (They ALL want to come back!) As the publishers of Checkmate, you are out there and very up-front about who you are and what you like. I don't think I could ask for more. You also have me scared - in the right way. You have laid out a vast array of possibilities since November 1992 (Issue #1). It is clear to me that you can play rough, but know how to keep it play.

Issue #2, Page 1. "Leather Institutional Restraints". Humane Restraint does a GREAT job. I usually play with their "equipment". If it is put on right it is secure, it is comfortable, and a bottom will rarely bruise or abrade himself. Very seldom do I end up with any marks that show when I am playing with Humane Restraint's products. I have thought about having the wrist and ankle restraints locked on for the entire play portion of one of my trips to San Francisco - even when we go out. It hasn't happened, but it is still fun to think about. By the way, your collar addition to their line feels great (Issue #25, page 12). I have never had one locked on, but even un-locked it has a feel of authority.

Issue #3, page 3. "A Starting Point....." Roger has some good ideas. It also made me remember that in my first letter I asked you what I should bring. I was thinking mostly in terms of clothing for my lanky frame. Today it seems that I would like to arrive with nothing - no clothes, no shoes, no idea where my car is, no glasses, no idea which way is north, no idea where "here" is, and perhaps without ever having seen either of you. For this, i await your instructions <grin>. What a way to start.

On to the things I would like (and I think you are VERY good at).

  1. No way out. I want to be there the entire time committed to. We both know that "things" can come up that aren't expected. I would like you to keep me under lock-and-key for the entire time committed to. If you are willing to start Monday, and play through Sunday at noon I will be there. This sound a lot like Issue #20, page 10 and Issue #21, page 14, "Diary of a Prisoner". (I know Morgan got out early. He wanted to see Brussels. I have already seen PA. I won't be able to use that excuse.) (He should have gone to the Museum in Gent.) I also like the thought of being chained to the wall. As Frank Morgan, said "That's when I realized that my leg irons which were chained to the wall were more than symbolic. They made escape impossible." I wish there was some way around the legal issues. I know that I would like NO WAY OUT (at least before it starts).
  2. Cells, Solitary confinement & Isolation. When I think of spending time in a cell, it initially seems like weeks, not days, would be called for. Then I think about what you told John, "Eat when you can and sleep when you can." I then realize that "bad" food and little sleep can make the experience a LOT more intense. It also depends on how much there is to do and think about. When I was in Yossie's cage (60+ hrs) there was LOTS to do. I could eat or drink any time I wanted to. The cell was located just off of Sanchez Street in San Francisco. I could hear the people talk as they walked down the street. I could and did play with a lot of his toys, until he came in and saw the mess that I had made. After that, my arms and legs were restrained to the cage <grin>.

    I am not expecting a 100 square foot cell with a window, lots of visitors, a good book, a soft bed and a light switch. "Psychological Benefits of Confinement" (Issue 22, page 14) suggests a 6 by 7ft cell - or a smaller 2.5 by 2.5 ft one. A smaller cell with no windows and few distractions plus a short chain connecting me to a ring seems more likely. When the lights go out I expect it will be quite dark. I don't think I will here people walking by out side that I might be able to yell or talk to.

    I expect to spend a part of my time with you in solitary confinement and isolation. I don't know if the isolation cell described in "Recreational Cell Time" (Issue #23 page 11) is at the MCF, but if it is, I will look forward to both my time in the cell and the "emotional support afterwards". (I am currently reading "Solitary Confinement".)

  3. I want to get flogged/whipped. It has been about 14 years since I have played in this space. I have mostly been involved in fairly immobile "pink-cloud" bondage. I expect this to be different. When Strap spanked me years ago I found it very emotional. It is also a place that I would like to explore again. I can't predict what my reaction will be, though wanting to be held and crying seems probable.

    I know that my father used a wire fly-swatter handle on my thighs, as punishment. To my recollection, it was usually well-deserved. I also have some scars on my back that neither my parents nor I have any ideas as to how they got there. I don't think I am asking for you to walk into a mine field, but, it does seem that there might be some surprises. I still want to go.

    I haven't dealt with it, but the psychological affect of "torture" combined with solitary confinement and isolation would be REALLY rough. "Be careful of what you ask for, you might get it." I know I don't want a lot of pain or complete isolation for my visit, but I do want some of both.

  4. I am into sexual control and enforced chastity. When I play by myself I usually arrange it so that I can't cum and can't touch my cock. One of the things I really like about the Humane Restraint bed sets, is that the cock is right there and you can't do anything about it. When I have "sleep", locked in a bed set, it seems that I am horny all night. Not much sleep. Too bad <grin>. I have cum four-pointed on my back with a strap across my chest by rubbing against my clothes (I do need to be very excited). A jock strap, especially a hard cup with my dick pointed down stops any possibility of cumming unless I am tied face-down (it doesn't cum easy in that position). I "hate" to think of how sore my balls could get this trip. Harold said he likes to almost, or not quite, jack someone off. It sounds hot to me. Frustrating but hot <grin>.

    I liked Morgan's article "Masturbation Control" (Issue #8 page 6). The section on the plaster chastity "cast" is intriguing <grin>.

    I like hoods, gags, ear plugs, & background sounds to cover up outside noises. I once set up 3 CD players with ocean wave sounds which was kind of neat.

    Physical labor could be a VERY nice change to hours (days?) of inactivity. I have often thought it would be nice to have a body like some of the construction workers I have seen. Not likely when too much of my day is spent typing or talking. "Forced labor" in a flak jacket and/or gas mask interests me. My doctor says that if I go to bed physically exhausted, I will sleep better. Actually, just getting outside in any form could be a real treat.

  5. I would like to get my head shaved while tied down to a chair or handcuffed (yes - restrained). It seems like a real initiation kind of thing to have done.

    I do NOT want my eyebrows, eyelashes, legs, arms, chest, back (you will probably laugh at the last three when you see me) shaved. If you want to shave the crotch, that's OK with me.


As a bottom, I have controlled at lot of situations. I haven't quite let go of this yet. Please note that I have dropped my earlier request for a vegetarian diet. I hope you consider this list of conditions acceptable:

  1. HIV safe
  2. No shit or blood
  3. No anal/oral rimming
  4. No oral or anal sex
  5. No branding, or cutting (no permanent marks)
  6. No strangulation
  7. No fisting
  8. If you do anything with piss, it needs to be mine. This is not my trip, but I think I can deal with it.
  9. No Piercing. I haven't done it, if you really want to do it, let's talk first.
  10. No internal catheters or sounds. I haven't done it. I do think about it. If you really want to do it, let's talk first.
  11. I want to brush my teeth at least every other day.
  12. No Drugs - some drug use might be considered.

Two words of caution about me - and suggestions around them.

If I am tied spread-eagle, my arms go numb. It even happens with my arms straight out. That picture of Morgan (issue #23 page 8) spread-eagle is HOT. (The position, the mail bag, the BDUs, the bed & cell, and his body.) The position just doesn't work for me, but if my arms are tied above my head (not out to the sides) I don't seem to have any problem with nerves or circulation. It does stretch me, and I do get sore, I just don't go numb.

With my surface to mass ratio, I get cold easily. I guess you can always gag me when I ask for an extra blanket, but I would prefer the blanket.


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